I feel a bit overwhelmed writing about the birth of my daughter, Makenna. Probably because it was an incredibly overwhelming time, we were two weeks into a global pandemic… oh wait, its still happening. Fortunately, life in this pandemic has normalized a bit; that in and of itself is saddening. But with the world shutting down 2 weeks before I gave birth, everything felt much more raw and painfully uncertain. While I was grateful to be working fully remote and already in the process of winding down work, I was still navigating JJ and Westyn being home around the clock. They also were 3 and 5 year old little boys who just got ripped out of school and their mommy is about to have a baby; talk about a lot of change. My husband was working from home and navigating starting up a new business. My boys have a ton of energy. How I wish I could bottle and sell it since I would only dream of that kind of stamina. So, began the days of full day meetings + playing mommy simultaneously. Now, I only had to do it for two weeks. I have so many friends who have been juggling that load for well over a year. My heart goes out to you as this pandemic has been damaging to women the most. I know I am not the only one who put my career on hold. And for those who balanced, I know you struggled with days having to choose one over the other. Mama’s I see you, I am you, and I am in your corner.
Leading up to going into labor, I had to go to my last few doctor appointments solo. I am a high risk pregnancy to begin with and this whole new situation only raised the risk level. I will be doing a separate blog post on my history of Cancer and Olivia.
This was such an emotional time, having a baby always is. But for us this was our last, and she was our girl, the girl that we didn’t get to bring home the first time. During this time, hospitals in my area had started to make women labor alone. They saw too great of a risk allowing their partners into the delivery room; this is when I lost it. I had held it together through all the fear and uncertainty. But the thought of my husband missing the birth of our daughter damn near killed me. Fortunately, my hospital never made that decision and it was ultimately deemed improper protocol for these hospitals to do that. While I understand that decisions were being made at lightening fast speeds, under extreme conditions, shame on those institutions who thought that was a good move.
Heading to the doctors office, I had to wait in my car before my appointment. They would clear the office out before I was allowed to enter. The doctors and office staff were in full hazmat gear. The conversations that once flowed easily were awkward, stiff, and distant. All the questions I had , couldn’t be answered, so my fears weren’t stifled; no one really knew what we were dealing with. At what I now know as my last doctor visit, “he said, how do you feel about having a baby this week? I want to get you in before the hospitals get overrun”. This made ice run through my veins, I was about to enter a hospital which was what we all wanted to avoid. Heck, every time the boys did something risky, I would yell “if you get hurt we can’t go to a hospital right now”.
I agreed and he said he would call me with a date. It being late March, I really hoped not to have a baby on April Fools Day. Silly, I know, because all that matters is that the baby is delivered safely. But still, I really wanted to avoid 4/1. Spoiler alert, she had other plans. After that visit, I would come home, strip out of my clothing in the garage, waddle upstairs and shower. I would then lysol my car and all the handles I touched getting into the house. I know we all remember those days so clearly. And I am not sure our generation will ever be the same. I gave notice at work letting them know that in the next few days I would be induced and I needed a day or two to get my house in order. The reality was, I needed to find someone to help watch my boys when I was in the hospital. We secured my mom as our caretaker and went on readying ourself to have a 3rd baby. Long story short, my mom ended up having some sort of premonition and suggested that we get my in-laws to help. So we did. On 4/1 my mom woke up with a fever and we believe she had a touch of COVID. Call it mother’s instincts.
We were told I would be induced on April 2nd. But as I have already divulged, Makenna made her grand entrance into the world on April Fools Day. April fools Day of 2020, what a Birthday! I was awoken in the middle of the night with cramps and just feeling off. I was also very restless and couldn’t get comfortable. Sleep was never an issue for me but here I was wide awake at 4am. I came downstairs and sat with my feelings until about 5am when I knew I was in labor. So began the mad rush to get my in-laws awake and up to North Jersey (they live about an hour away). A day earlier than anticipated. My contractions were coming on fast and hard. Historically my labors didn’t last very long. Olivia and JJ were both about 7 hours start to finish. Westyn entered the world like a bat out of hell. So, I know she was going to be in a rush. We left immediately after my in-laws got here. Another awkward encounter as no one really hugged and we all stayed so incredibly distant. I would excuse myself when a contraction came on so the boys wouldn’t see mommy in pain. We left for the hospital knowing it would only be a 24 hour stay and we would see our boys, likely the next day.
As we entered the hospital we were met with more distance and rigidity but also warmth and pity in everyones eyes. Everyone knew we were terrified. I had to check myself in and my husband had to wait until they confirmed I was in labor. At that time he was allowed up but could not leave the delivery room. If he needed anything the nurses would get it. WE hated this. These nurses were already overtired, over stressed and overworked. Now they were going to grab my husband coffee? Needless to say he didn’t ask for anything except some water.
My labor progressed quickly but man oh man was I in pain. Pain I hadn’t had with my other children. Quickly we learned that while she was in the proper birthing position, she had decided to tilt her head up towards the sun. Welcome back labor. We did everything we could to get her to turn and move. Girlfriend was stubborn. So thank you epidural, you did nothing! I will spare you all the gory details but I did push for about 45 minutes until the doctor and I realized I wasn’t going to get her out myself. They did use the “vacuum” on her to reposition her head and then she quite literally popped out. Makenna Noelle was born 4/1/20 at 1:26pm weighing 7 pounds 5 ounces and was 20 inches long.
I was discharged 24 hours (to the minute) after she was born. What a bizarre experience that was since mentally I was heading home but physically I was only 24 hours post delivery. We also were not allowed to leave our room, the baby stayed the entire time with us and if Jon went to leave, he could not come back to the hospital. So, we were off, headed home to be a family of 5. We walk in to be met by JJ and Westyn, our very excited new big brothers. My in-laws standing at our back door, bags in hand so they didn’t risk exposing the baby or us exposing them. Our parents, the baby’s grandparents were robbed of those new baby snuggles. Meeting their granddaughter for the first time. Our parents didn’t get to meet her until a month later. The only exposure was through glass doors and with technology. It was heart wrenching. Jon’s parents no sooner leave and we get a call from the hospital, they forgot to run a crucial test on the baby. We were completely dumbstruck. How was this possible? After running through several different scenarios we were left with the only decision to head back to the hospital. So, all 5 of us pilled back into the car and headed back to the hospital.
I had to shuffle back through the entrance with my daughter in my arms while my boys waited in the car. I was in a solid amount of pain since Makennas labor was my hardest. I was escorted through an employee entrance and back to the room I was staying in. They ran the test they needed and off we went. What a bizarre first 24 hours it was.
Once we were safely back home we settled into our routine as a family of 5. I made the very tough decision to leave a career I loved to take care of my kids. In light of the pandemic, we did not see it possible for me to return to such a tremendous work load with 3 small children and uncertain schedules. So here we are a year later, gearing up to celebrate Makenna’s first birthday and with that the birth of Sweet Nikki Babe’s Blog.
Comments